Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Killer Tomatoes Strike Back - Dir. John DeBello - 1990

Ah yes, I can finally be harsh against a Killer Tomatoes. What a joyous day, this should be a lot of fun. After begrudgingly giving props to the first two films it feels good to be a complete prick again.

“Killer Tomatoes Strike Back” takes place several years after the second film, but I'm not really sure when because Finletter (Rock Peace) mentions that he has fought tomatoes for 13 years. Does that include the events of the first film or since the events of the second film? If its only from the second film that would make his character like 80, he moves pretty good for a senior citizen. Not mention Finletter is now a police captain who spends most of time going on various talk-shows like Oprah. But wasn't Finletter originally a super-secret spy in “Attack” and then owned his own pizza shop in “Return”? This guy has had up-and-down career trajectory to say the least. He probably would have been stuck mopping floors if those nasty tomatoes hadn't come along. Moving on...

Dr. Gangreen has been parading as a talk show host named Jeronahew (a thinly veiled stab at Phil Donahue) and plans to brainwash the people of the world shitty tv. (No, this does not mean a “Big Brother” marathon). We only see one instance of Gangreen hosting the show and it had the hints of becoming funny but never really reached any sort of comedic heights. Several more scenes of him hosting the show would have pushed it into a parody territory, but the only parody present is in the fake moniker he has chosen. There's also a tomato researcher named Kennedi Johnson (Crystal Carson) and a police detective by the name of Lance Boyle (Rick Rockwell) who parades around in parachute pants that look like a rainbow barfed all over them. Boyle is a thin layer of Martin Riggs from “Lethal Weapon” wrapped around a gooey center of raging idiot, but not the funny idiot you laugh at when he passes out in the punch bowl; he's the idiot you hate cause he's always says something jack-assish whenever you go over to the punch bowl. In the end, the genius mad scientist turns out to be a dumb-ass and the heroes win, like usual.

But the tomatoes are back! And they have faces and teeth this time! Actually the tomatoes kind of remind from the Krites from “Critters”, God damnitt! Why do all crappy creature effects look the same: mouthes that open only halfway, lifeless eyes, and inarticulate limbs? Why change the formula now anyway? Even though they have more personality with the eyes and teeth, I miss the faceless tomatoes that made you really wonder how in the hell anyone would be killed by a tomato. The tomatoes are used more or less as a distraction from Gangreen's real plan, which means, in the end, they truly serve no purpose. But a bigger question presses on my mind: if Gangreen had perfected the technology to turn tomatoes into humans, why didn't he just do it again? Because it would be boring? Sure, but Gangreen had to know that giving tomatoes eyes and teeth was a step in the opposite direction. Why did he choose tomatoes for his master plan in the first place? Whatever...

You know how I said the jokes in “Return” were only skin deep, well, the jokes in “Strike Back” are more like a windy day: you might feel a chill once in a while but for the most part you don't even notice. The jokes aren't even flying aren't hurricane force speed, there's whole five minute sections of the film that are jokeless, or they had jokes and I wasn't laughing. Either way, bad move. The first two films filled the time with a joke as often as possible so if you didn't laugh at least there was another one close on it's heels. Also, sadly, one of the best jokes is within the first 45 seconds of the film and it never really gets topped. Lame, really, really lame. There is a pretty funny section at the end of the film, during the credits sequence, but if you turn off your DVD player right away you would never know.

The actors aren't making big enough asses of themselves. Rick Rockwell is really trying, but it doesn't work. Even Steve Lundquist, who was so endearing in the second film, isn't that interesting, mostly because the character so obsessed with becoming a tv news reporter has more or less disappeared. For the most part, the actors aren't really giving it their all to make themselves seem like idiots and it really shows.

Originally “Strike Back” was supposed to be released following “Killer Tomatoes Eat France”, they even made mention of the next film taking place in Paris in “Return”. Somewhere along the line De Bello decided to rearrange the order of the films and it really shows. Even though none of the characters don't mention going to France, it feels like a piece of the story is missing and some separation between the evil Gangreen and Finletter had taken place. It seems bizarre as there is no real foundation for this observation but it can be felt. Like you wandered into a story about halfway through and you're trying to pick up the pieces that came before without directly asking what happened, you spend the rest of the conversation missing on particularly interesting bit that makes the whole thing come together.

All in all, “Strike Back” is just boring. It is a lame addition to the series which doesn't bring enough to the party. It isn't chaotic or enough of parody to be lovable. I can't say that I hated “Strike Back” because I didn't hate it, it was just boring and felt like it dragged on way too long. And that's even after the DVD skipped eight minutes. That's a bad sign too, if the DVD doesn't even want to play itself.

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